Hamilton, ON – After a tumultuous grade seven school year, Steven Littlewood 13, of Middleberry Public school has decided a new pair of running shoes will surely change everything.
“I saved up with my summer job- stealing loonies and toonies from my mom’s jacket pockets; and now I finally was able to buy the shell toe Adidas I’ve been wanting for two years!” Declared a delighted Littlewood. “It’s pretty obvious that Anthony M. has to let me have lunch at his table now!”
Anthony M., Littlewood’s long time bully, spent most of Steven’’s grade seven year calling him “Hand-me-downs-tale”. Though clever for a seventh grader, the insults started to really grate on Littlewood.
“My mom told me I was growing so fast that I had to wear my brother’s old stuff. But my brother’s old stuff was our neighbour’s son’s old stuff. Basically I was wearing fake “Sketchers” shoes the Bi-Way used to make. The Bi-Way doesn’t even exist anymore!”
Littlewood is entering the eighth grade with the kind of confidence that not even a kiss from Ashley R. could provide.
Ms.Bell, Steven’s grade seven teacher, was less optimistic. “Though not smart enough to be nerdy, Steven had a wiener vibe to him that never bodes well in middle school. I’m glad he likes his new shoes though.”
While shell toe Adidas are no Air Jordan’s or Yeezy’s, According to chill grade eight kid Trend Forecaster, Susan K., “the fact that the shoes are new at all is a big deal.” She continued, “hopefully he also got rid of his B.O. issue though, since that was much more the issue last year.”
With his expected newfound respect, Littlewood feels on top of the world. And if the sneaker move doesn’t work out, he has a fallback plan: talking about the three movies he saw this summer that had boobs in them.
