Anaheim, CA – Taking the lead in the new immersive entertainment trend, Disneyland has begun treating their workers like peasants to provide park goers with an authentic feudal experience that mirrors the medieval period in which most of their classic princess movies take place.
“We want our customers to enjoy the sights, sounds, and brutal class-related exploitation that would have existed in Europe during the periods of Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and Snow White,” Park Operations Manager Lionel George said while mulling over whether to condemn a worker to death or merely tar and feather them for breaking the park’s new sumptuary laws by wearing rayon.
“We are however, careful not to mention Beauty and the Beast. We feel bringing up pre-revolutionary France might give the workers, or as we call them now, the peasantry, ideas.”
Under the new system, workers provide the company, represented by managers (or as they’re now known,“Lords”) with labor, military service in the event of war with other parks, and built-in test audiences for future Star Wars films. The company in turn provides the workers with order, a sense of purpose, and one free trip on the It’s A Small World ride every Mickeymas.
George was quick to defend the system from criticism. “Some people have compared what we’re doing to slavery, and that couldn’t be further from the truth. They are always free to leave, if they care to go through the contractually mandated thumbscrewed arbitration.”
At press time, rumblings of a revolt among the actors who play the feistier princesses was met with overwhelming violence and a crackdown on congregating in groups unless a park goer wants to take a picture.
