TORONTO, ON – While details of rapper Drake’s new album “Scorpion” have been kept secretive to fans and media alike, some news about the album expected to be released in June 2018 surfaced earlier this week when it was revealed that several of the songs on the record will primarily be about the artists lack of success at winning Tim Hortons’ Roll Up The Rim contest.
“It’s no secret I don’t shy away from emotional weight with my lyrics,” stated Drake from his Toronto based studio during a telephone interview. “And I figured, what’s more devastating than rolling up your 9th double-double of the week just to see another ‘play again’? It’s heartbreaking.”
Online sources have leaked the full track list of the album as follows:
- Money Don’t Buy Luck
- Roll Away With Me
- Playa Don’t Play Again
- Where’s My Honda Civic?
- No Timmies Bling when the Scorpion Sting
- Nice For What
- I Want My Civic
- Go Nuts For Free Donuts
- Panini Panini Give Me a Tasty Dreamy
- Yes Indeed
- One in Seven Odds
- Hotline Bling 2
- Peach Juice Forever
“The album is going to blow people away, it’s Drake’s best work yet,” said manager Oliver El-Khatib. “I don’t want to give too much away, but at one point he rhymes “latte art” with “broken heart”, and to be honest we had to shut down our recording session for the day to cry after having that bomb dropped on us.”
While many fans have resisted the urge to listen to the online leaks, others haven’t been able to help themselves.
“From what I’ve heard it’s already my favourite album ever,” claims super-fan Maria DeLana. “The lyrics spoke to me, I can’t stop singing along to great verses like, ‘Rollin up through the six like I’m gonna win Civics, Toronto boy know how to go and make a girl scream, give you what you want call it Boston cream.’
Seriously, I might get that line tattooed on my body,” she added.
Canadians everywhere are said to be looking forward to an exciting summer combining two of their favourite pastimes: rocking out to Drake, and hating on Tim Hortons.
