EDMONTON – Alberta Premier Rachel Notley has announced her proposal to sink the province of British Columbia to resolve the ongoing Trans Mountain Pipeline dispute with BC, and grant her province a direct port access to Asian markets.
“950,000 square kilometers and 4.6 million people shouldn’t stand in the way of good jobs,” announced Notley. “That’s why we’re bringing the Pacific Ocean closer to us.”
According to plan titled “Flood the Granola-Munching Bastards,” the landlocked Alberta government intends on using water pumped from the Hudson Bay while using a very long hose borrowed from Saskatchewan.
“We can’t wait for a tsunami to do this for us,” explained United Conservative Party Leader Jason Kenney who has fully backed the plan. “Actions of Biblical proportion are needed now.”
At press time, BC Premier John Horgan was airbrushing Rachel Notley out of the most recent First Ministers Meeting.
