An excerpt from The Beaverton Presents Glorious and/or Free: The True History of Canada. Available where books are sold.
January 31st, 1916
WINNIPEG – Despite desperate pleas regarding hip span from gentlemen in the field of lady studies, the Manitoba government is going ahead with its controversial plans to give the vote to all women.
“Voting booths are too narrow for the shape of a woman,” explained Alistair Matthews, leader of the recently founded Gentlemen League for the Protection of Voting Booths. “That scoundrel Agnes Macphail wants to destroy our longstanding traditions and make wide-hipped women feel claustrophobic. This evil must be stopped!”
However, Premier Tobias Norris steadfastly refused to listen the the experts on the destructive consequences of granting female suffrage. The legislature unanimously passed a bill permitting women to cast a ballot in the next provincial election.
“Science has demonstrated that a woman’s posterior acetabular rim can be five degrees wider than a man’s, far exceeding the width of a typical voting station,” said Matthews pointing to a diagram of a lady shape.
In related news, a building was evacuated in the downtown area after a radical suffragette detonated her opinion.
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