CASTOR, AB – Reports early this afternoon have indicated that the popular, intelligent, and beloved girl you thought would reach her social peak in high school is still absolutely killing it, and has somehow found a way to climb even higher up the social ladder than once thought possible.
“Well I THOUGHT she was peaking in high school,” stated your former classmate Richard Lovard who is now the assistant manager of an Arby’s. “I voted her for prom queen, and I’m pretty sure she was the captain of the varsity soccer team. Really felt bad for her at the time, thinking that this was gonna be it, but holy shit, she has not slowed down.”
Though her exact line of work is unknown, an Instagram page filled with beachfronts, large properties, and trips to landmark cities around the world, experts conclude she has not missed a step when it comes to rising the ranks of social clout. And while the debate about whether she’s an international ambassador, founder of a successful startup, or the brand model for a line of detox juices rages on, each one of her thousands of social media followers agree she’s completely dominating the game of life.
Even your former classmates who have found relative success after high school are stunned to somehow still be in her shadow, especially after seeing the photographs of the destination wedding with her high school sweetheart, who you remember as the most popular guy in school and thought for sure HE of all people would peak in high school, also appears to also still be totally killin’ it.
“It’s just not fair,” stated your former lab partner Elyse Chase who received only four votes in an unsuccessful bid for student body president back in grade 11. “When will my time come? It’s like no matter how much I succeed, she’s still up there kicking ass. My life was supposed to get better after high school, not hers! Why the fuck did I bother studying to get this dumb lawyer job when I could have just been naturally charming, and brilliant at everything like her!?”
“Goddamn it!”
While many people look back on their formative years in high school as the best time of their lives, this superstar has continued to take the words of everyone who voted her “most likely to be successful” – and much to their chagrin – prove them absolutely right.
