The Toronto International Film Festival has descended on The Six once again, and that can only mean one thing: the trickster Atom Egoyan will once again appear, and taunt media and fans alike with his devious riddles and tricks, all with the promise of seizing his fabled treasure. Everybody wants Atom Egoyan’s treasure, but nobody knows how to get it!
In TIFF’s 41 years, nobody has ever managed to get the treasure, or physically restrain Egoyan long enough to find out where it is without him wriggling away as if by magic. But if you follow this guide, 2017 just might be the year! Grab a program, some popcorn, and a film buff buddy, because it’s time to get that god damn treasure already!
Find out where he’ll be – and where he WON’T be
Making a festival schedule is crucial, whether you’re trying to take in some must-see films or corner the impish auteur of Felicia’s Journey. Plan ahead! Ask a volunteer if they know what events Egoyan is expected to turn up at, and pick your moment to get your hands on him – or to go straight for his unattended treasure, if you think you’ve interpreted the treasure map you stole from him at Hot Docs correctly. That said, be prepared to improvise; if you’re getting a hot dog near Ryerson and you hear his trademark giggle and famous rhyme (“You can try, sir or madam, but you’ll never catch Atom”), have a sack ready!
Don’t be fooled by fakeouts
Behind the camera, Atom Egoyan is known for his thoughtful direction. But when TIFF comes, the name of his game is misdirection, and that means decoys, decoys, decoys. Even the savviest of TIFF-hounds knows the bitter disappointment of thinking they’ve nabbed Atom Egoyan at a party or premiere – only to get home, open the sack, and find they’ve bagged a guy named Adam Egoyan, or a stuffed Yoda in a sportcoat, or Don McKellar. Know your quarry! And don’t forget: Atom loves to wear his shoes backwards, so if you think you’re hot on his trail, reverse course!
Make him less slippery somehow
You don’t have to have gone to film school to know that Atom Egoyan can make himself incredibly slippery at will. He was even able to squirt out of the famously strong grip of festival director Cameron Bailey at least year’s gala screening of Lion! If you want to keep the Academy Award-nominated director of The Sweet Hereafter still long enough to get one of his cryptic gold hints, take his famous slipperiness out of the equation. How? Well, if we knew that we wouldn’t be talking to you (we’d be swimming in a Canadian cinema icon’s slippery gold) but maybe start by getting a lot of sand.
Saying his name backwards does nothing
You may have heard “insider info” last year that saying Atom Egoyan’s name backwards causes him to freeze in place for thirty seconds. Well, sorry, but guess who started that little rumour – that’s right, “Nayoge Mota” himself! This hoax led to 800 people in Roy Thomson Hall shouting gibberish at him in vain, as he giggled and capered about in the rafters. Don’t embarrass yourself like Marion Cotillard did, it doesn’t do anything!
No Atom-catching plan is perfect, as history has proven, but with these tips you should be well on your way! Good luck out there, enjoy the festival, and if you do get that gold maybe remember who helped you out for god’s sake!
