Victoria, BC – In the hours preceding dinnertime today, single career-woman, Kathy Maxwell, let down her hair and got lost in a daydream about her ideal future sandwich.
“Don’t get me wrong, I love my life,” said Maxwell, 28, swiping through UberEats on her phone. “But it would be nice if, after a long day of work, I could come home to porchetta with salsa verde on a fresh ciabatta roll.”
“I don’t think I’m the only woman who wants that.”
Having been disappointed time and again with stale bread and spoiled lettuce, Maxwell’s list of sandwich deal-breakers includes bread that lacks integrity, the boldly open-faced, and “anything that falls apart as soon as you get too close.”
Sandwich artist turned blogger, Pat Carroll, sees Maxwell’s situation as indicative of the world modern women are living in.
“These women aren’t afraid to lean into the sneeze guard and ask for – no, demand – what they want,” said bestselling author of Meat is from Mars, Bread is from Venus. “And in Kathy’s case, that’s no green peppers, no bullshit, and hot sauce like you mean it.”
Maxwell didn’t always have such high standards. Her friends are relieved that she got a lot of the more unsavory sandwiches out of her system.
“For a good part of her twenties, Kathy had a pretty self-destructive relationship with ham and cheese,” said Rita Valenti, Maxwell’s most trusted confidant.”Not to mention all the late-night street meat she didn’t even tell us about until years after the fact.”
Despite her high standards, Maxwell refutes the suggestion that she’s a picky eater, claiming that she has had dinner with sandwiches as varied as strip-bacon with a fried egg on rye, prosciutto with bocconcini on a baguette, and a bbq pulled pork banh mi.
“My friends say I’m crazy,” said Maxwell. “But I’m not looking for a hero to knock me off my feet. I just don’t want to choose between mustard and mayo.”
At press time, Maxwell was getting ready to hit a trendy new meat and cheese counter with her girlfriends.
