CORNWALL, ON – The extreme fitness gym Shred Heads is facing struggles of its own after several of the motivational quotes stencilled on its walls turned out to be Nazi slogans.
“I think it’s all been a big misunderstanding,” said owner and personal trainer Cal Randall. “What people don’t seem to be getting is that work really does set you free.”
Randall also defends the motivational purpose behind ‘Obstacles do not exist to be surrendered to, but only to be broken’, and ‘Life never forgives weakness’, though he doesn’t quite remember why he felt the need to put ‘Blood alone moves the wheels of history’ above the elliptical machine.
Members of Shred Heads deny any ideological attachment with Nazism, and stress that their their intentions, like their food and their blood, are pure.
“We’re not Nazis,” said trainer Aaron Gleeson, whose workout clothes are all either black or red. “All we’re trying to do is create a race of supermen.”
At press time, GoodLife had done nothing to stop Shred Heads from buying out the lease of the Polish bakery next door.
