ETOBICOKE- At 8:39pm, local woman Sofia Cara entered into a conversation with neighbour Jennifer Moore that has yet to end.
“I knew at minute twenty one, when she said ‘long story short’ for the third time, she was in too deep,” described a witness who was within earshot at the scene.
The woman in question, Jennifer Moore, is mid-forties, has a collection of “Swarovski” crystal flowers, and a “kooky” asymmetrical haircut.
The conversation, which began with niceties, took a turn into “oh my god” territory when Cara brought up that she was interested in joining “Bunz Trading Zone”; a popular bartering app. This topic unfortunately proved something Moore could really sink her teeth into.
Moore began the conversation innocently enough, claiming, “ I got the sweetest throw rug through Bunz. At first I wasn’t sure if I wanted a rug because of my two cats and iguana and I was afraid the cats would just be barfing all over that thing. Both my cats have irritated bowel syndrome, or IBS, as the cool kids call it. Anyways I usually have to sift through so much throw up and I thought a rug would be a bad call…” At press time, the anecdote had yet to reach a conclusion.
Upon recognizing Moore’s switch from “giving actual advice” to “just a barrage of nonsense”, Cara immediately attempted to end the conversation. Cara immediately chose to increase the curtness of her agreeing “Yeahs” followed by sighs; Moore remained unaffected.
“At one point I overheard Sofia tell Jennifer she had to use the restroom. I thought that she’d get the hint. She did not,” recounted witness Karen Pacer.
Moore reportedly followed Cara to the washroom door and continued explaining in great detail why she doesn’t like the word feminist, “It’s just such an aggressive word. I mean we want equality as people. Why don’t we call it being a peoplist? Like honestly as women we should check our privilege because we have it pretty great…” At this point, Moore continued shouting through the bathroom door.
“I feel bad for Sofia, but honestly, I’m just glad it’s not me,” confessed another partygoer. Moore is known to have a “fine when sober, tolerable when drunk on beer, and kill me when drunk on whisky” personality disorder. However, this diagnosis has yet to be confirmed by a doctor.
At press time, Jennifer Moore was asking for advice on how she should decorate her bathroom, yet was leaving no space for Sofia to answer.
