OAKVILLE, ON – Releasing it hot on the heels of Starbucks’ multi-coloured Unicorn Frappuccino, Tim Hortons has announced its own Instagram-ready drink: a cup filled with neon paint.
The concoction, which resembles a liquified Saturday morning cartoon and smells strongly of a kindergarten art supply cupboard, went on sale across Canada today.
“Oh, it’s not for drinking,” said company spokesperson Veronica Hapham when asked about the drink’s flavour. “It’s for holding next to your face while you purse your lips, crane your neck, angle your chin slightly downward, open your eyes wide in a garish expression of mock wonderment, and take your own picture.”
Though not designed for human consumption, Hapham notes that due to the non-biodegradable nature of the drink’s pigments, customers who do ingest the cup of neon paint can expect it to look as much like a cold-pressed Van Gough painting on the way out as on the way in and should contact poison control immediately.
Customer reaction has been mostly positive. Available in three sizes and topped with arts and crafts glitter, the launch has attracted long lineups at many locations to purchase, photograph, and throw away the new product with many remarking that it looks like a kaleidoscope threw up into a clear plastic cup.
“I don’t like it, but I “Like” it,” said one customer, using vocal quotation marks to clarify when she meant “Like” as a form of online social currency as opposed to actually enjoying or appreciating something for what it is.
However, the launch has not been without controversy, as some customers have noted that if you stir the cup of neon paint long enough it becomes an unphotogenic brown slime, similar to Tim Hortons coffee.
