WINNIPEG – Local married couple Amanda and Jared Ricci, known for their various “do-it-yourself” projects, have once again invited friends over to sample their latest batch of homemade pornography.
“First it was brewing their own beer, then they got really into DIY pickling. But the worst has to be their homemade fuck videos,” said Tom Rankin, longtime friend of the Ricci. “It always turns out so gritty and bland. Plus, they just sit there watching you try it and waiting for you to say how much you like it.”
“I’m no porn connoisseur, but I’d much rather pay for something a professional made,” confessed Rankin. “It’s frankly a question of health and safety issues.”
Friends of the married couple have reported being cajoled into sampling various batches of their DIY hardcore smut films. One couple recalled being invited over for a “games night”, only to be subjected to a group viewing of a “bitter reverse-cowgirl/ solo blend”. Others described being forced to take home an “experimental pegging batch”, for which Jared had even enthusiastically printed his own labels.
As of yet, the Riccis have displayed no awareness of how unpleasant their friends find their homemade porn. “We first got into making our own porn because we got a Groupon,” enthused Jared, displaying an early DVD effort. “It gives you a real sense of accomplishment. This is exactly how my grandfather back in Italy used to make his own porn.”
The Riccis’ newfound interest in DIY porn has reportedly led them to pester other ‘couples friends’ to join. “Ron and I are running out of ways to politely turn them down,” said Sharon Smith, a work friend of Amanda’s. “Even if making homemade wife-swapping porn was a hobby we wanted to get into, who honestly has the time these days?”
Back at the Ricci’s, their guests had recently been encouraged to sample an early effort which the couple described as “an acquired taste, but it’s aged well”. Throughout, the Riccis failed to notice their friends uncomfortably grimacing. Later on, Rankin privately described the Riccis’ poorly made DIY gangbang as “grainy, off-flavour, and overprocessed”.
“Also, I can’t really put my finger on why this porn is off, but I have a bad feeling it has to do with too much yeast.”
