Just because they seem like the perfect couple, doesn’t mean Prince William and Kate Middleton are perfect parents. Case in point? 3-year-old Prince George drinks barely a gallon of blood every week, nowhere near enough for a growing conqueror.
“If the royal baby is going to grow up to be the conqueror we need, he should be drinking a pint of blood with breakfast and dinner,” says royal parenting expert Raina Klein. “And, obviously, the hotter and fresher the better.”
So why are Will and Kate letting down their bouncing baby boy? According to one former nanny in the Royal household, Prince George doesn’t like the taste, or the sound the ox makes when you tap into its carotid artery.
“But that’s no excuse,” insists Klein. “Good parenting means sometimes being strict with your children, for their own good. Do you think King Canute would have wasted the Saxons at Ashingdon Hill if Papa Sweyn hadn’t made him eat his vegetables and drink his gore? Of course not.”
But things might not be so bad. Sources inside Kensington Palace say 11/2 year-old Princess Charlotte is, if anything, too keen to sup upon the scarlet cruor of victory.
“Princess Charlotte is a good girl who always drinks her blood, then politely asks for more and more, ever more,” read one statement from the Prince and Duchess. “Just like a young Queen Victoria.”
But while Klein does blame Kate Middleton for eating too few horse hearts when she was pregnant, she says it’s too early to give up hope on George.
“It’s possible to catch him up developmentally by switching to a more potent blood,” she says. “Usually you don’t want to start a royal baby on the strong stuff until they’re weaned off their dolphin milk, but it may be a good idea to start feeding Prince George blood from a tiger, or Questing Beast.”
Wow. It just goes to show that parenting is hard, no matter who you are, or what kind of blood you have access to.
