Name: Terence Thomas Kevin O’Leary
Background: O’Leary started his career as a financial hawk quite young: by selling bags of “candy” on the playground that were actually full of dog shit. The businessman is best known as a brash TV personality on Dragon’s Den and The Lang and O’Leary Report, where he offered advice on how investors can avoid losing billions of dollars like Mattel did when they bought his company. Every morning, O’Leary spends at least an hour staring at his reflection in a mirror while repeating “You got to pay Daddy number one.” He is a fashionable dresser, typically wearing tailored suits and French cuffs that speak better French than he does. O’Leary has his own line of fine wines that wine drinkers love to re-gift. The man who describes himself as “Mr. Wonderful” recently launched his largest publicity stunt this year known as ‘Running for Conservative Party Leadership.’ If elected leader, he plans on running for MP in a by-election in his Boston riding.
Policies:
– Demand that all federal government departments and agencies give him a 45% cut
– Revoke Alex Trebek’s Canadian citizenship in revenge for an embarrassing performance on Jeopardy
– Fire a twenty-one gun salute with an automatic rifle to honour the victims of any terrorist attack in Canada
– Improve Canada-US relations by having just as many business-related conflicts of interest as the current US President
Chances of winning: good so long as Conservative Party members think they’re voting for someone on Celebrity Apprentice
