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National
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Canada Votes 2015
New US tariffs force Canada to use excess steel, aluminum in construction of 200 ft Mecha-Gosling
Trudeau quietly sends “U up” DMs to rest of world’s economies
Editorial: Trump underestimates how proud, united and, most importantly, petty Canadians are
Report: Just one or two million mistakes can bring down a Prime Minister
Family of 5 enjoys 24 hour window where nobody sick
CTV announces 24 nanosecond news cycle
Local woman waiting to return her missed calls until she’s on crowded bus
Forest Hill by-election to show Canada what people without problems think
“Why is Toronto traffic so terrible?” wonders man in car
Latest Drake track features his Mom asking Kendrick to stop bullying her son
Report: Juan Soto in talks with Ohtani about best way to get Canadians’ hopes up before crushing their dreams
Toronto commuter unable to tell if Taylor Swift gridlock has started
Just for Laughs Festival files for bankruptcy protection just before jumping out of box wearing gorilla mask
Montreal rioters concerned COVID rules are destroying small businesses before they can destroy small businesses
Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history
Montreal halts road construction until everyone can enjoy it again
Report: Killer Whales actively preparing to bring down a plane
Vancouver considers buying a second snowplow
Vancouver actor moves to L.A. to improve odds of getting cast in shows that shoot in Vancouver
Vancouver removes tents from Eastside unless they can prove they’re a weed shop
Tied Yukon election to be decided by traditional chainsaw throw
Yukon exposed to 2 cases of assholes
Yukon refuses to change clocks back in smug defiance of the will of Demeter
Rest of Canada happy to exchange NWT election results for federal one
York Professor asks for a note from a dictator before agreeing to defer student’s exam
Queen’s students argue their campus outbreak will be way better than Western’s
Gaming the system: Recent 92-year-old university grad gets to die before she pays off her debt
Western University invites David Wooderson from “Dazed and Confused” to speak at convocation
Western University mandate 3 vaccine shots, 15 Jaegermeister shots
Acadia University: The Beaverton University Reviews
Dalhousie University: The Beaverton University Reviews
OCAD University: University Reviews 2014
NDP claim Liberals stole their idea to form majority government
Sun newspapers still reporting Harper majority
90-year-old who has never voted proudly casts first ballot for Social Credit party
Conservatives unveil last minute attack ad accusing Justin of supporting Kansas City
World
World
U.S.
Historical Archives
Putin emails Trump “tell me 5 things you did for me last week”
Zelensky pretty sure disgraceful meeting could have been disgraceful email
Trudeau invites Zelensky to friendly pick-your-brain coffee chat about being invaded by warmongering neighbour
US, Russia commence Ukraine Piece Talks, where Ukraine will be carved into pieces
Putin emails Trump “tell me 5 things you did for me last week”
The Devil went down to Georgia, was deported by ICE
Canada annexes 4 Nations Championship
Meet the Canadians who support U.S. annexation: this 42 year old accountant sucks shit
Living History: Grandma exchanged letters with John Diefenbaker where he talks about his “Dief Beef”
Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history
Village virgin sick of donating blood to every ritual sacrifice
July 24th, 1967: French President De Gaulle calls for Quebec to surrender, await for international help for liberation
Sports
Sports
Local snowboarder who keeps lift tags on jacket can’t stop getting laid
Woman really impressed by how much date knows about DraftKings
Aligning themselves with Trump works out just as well for U.S. hockey players as it did for Ted Cruz
Canada annexes 4 Nations Championship
Business
Business
Makers of Funko Pop confirm figures can no longer steal your soul
Loblaws: “now we need to raise prices because of deflation or whatever”
Loblaws launches for profit food bank
WestJet debuts new slogan: “Air Canada, but somehow worse.”
Culture
Culture
Lifestyle
Health
Opinion
Parenting
Stats
Classifieds
Amazon-produced 007 movie pits Bond against fulfillment center workers who want to unionize
Disney announces new Lion King prequel film about bug who gets eaten by Timon
Next season on Bluey – Bluey’s mom makes a mistake
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Tampax encourages women to channel their rage into bigger, better periods
Conscientious driver slows to 30 km/h in school zone while hitting children with car
Report: Exhausting, unfulfilling suburban life you hate is university student’s unattainable dream
Mystical ayahuasca experience concludes with survey for chance to win $25 Amazon gift card
Alberta proves private healthcare is more efficient at generating scandals
New study finds pushing feelings way deep down inside is best option for everyone
Ford to execute first prisoner by using Ontario healthcare system
Injured ham sandwich rushed to Mayo Clinic
Editorial: Trump underestimates how proud, united and, most importantly, petty Canadians are
Op-Ed: The “Wicked” movie shows us what audiences really want — more films about green people
EDITORIAL: Why my cheque giveaway is great whereas Doug Ford’s cheque giveaway is desperate and terrible – by Justin Trudeau
Opinion: Bluesky is a dangerous echo chamber because no one wants to hear from me, specifically
Physicists launch study of temporal paradox allowing people younger than you to have kids already
Child abuse? This baby is wearing jeans
Toddler guzzling bathwater like Nero at Bacchanal in waning days of Roman Empire
5 tips for betting on NHL preseason games while your whiny children beg you for attention
93% of Canadians will never pay off their blood debts
86% of August e-mail traffic just duelling Out-Of-Office messages
2014 Canadian Federal Budget Preview
Most frequent lies found on online dating profiles
Missed Connections: You were the public urinator on Main and 5th
LOTS OF JARS FULL OF APRICOT PITS.
ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$.
UNIVERSITY student seeking mannequin to come alive and be my girlfriend.
BeavFeed
Beavfeed
Choice Your Own Adventure
Quiz
Slideshow
Guide To/How To
Meet the Canadians who support U.S. annexation: this 42 year old accountant sucks shit
Canadians who support the U.S. annexing us explain why
Most popular Thanksgiving Sides in every Province
CBC execs explain why they deserve their bonuses
You’re Jason Kenney. Can you find an excuse to get out of going to Calgary Pride?
You just lit off a bunch of fireworks before realizing you were in the Art Gallery of Ontario. Can you save the priceless pieces of art?
You magically turned into a bug! Can you live a happy and fulfilling life?
You have a chance to punch a Nazi. Do you take it?
Quiz: Should you watch Barbie, Oppenheimer or 2008 Canadian WWI drama Passchendaele
Quiz: Who should you vote for in Toronto’s Mayoral Race
Quiz: Who should you vote for in the Alberta Provincial Election
QUIZ: Is it a pyramid scheme or just a regular cult?
Canadians who support the U.S. annexing us explain why
Free speech champions explain why it’s OK that people are being cancelled for criticizing Israel
Conservatives explain why Pierre Poilievre attacking ‘globalist elites’ isn’t antisemitic
Liberals explain why they can’t do anything about the housing crisis
How To Go Vegan…Next Week
Guide To: Edmonton
Guide To: St.John’s
How To Lose Weight
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