WASHINGTON, D.C. – The United States Senate voted 51-48 this week to open debate on a budget resolution that Republicans hope will free working class Americans from the tyranny of having to use the same extensive government-mandated health coverage that they enjoy.
“This isn’t about partisanship,” explained Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky), whose own government-imposed health plan will oppressively cover him until the day he dies. “It’s about fairness. And it’s unfair that our most vulnerable citizens should be forced to accept an insurance plan they’d otherwise never be able to afford, instead of more desirable alternatives, like nothing.”
While GOP lawmakers have yet to table a plan with which they would replace Obamacare, insiders familiar with the proposal expect it to include an unprecedented array of options, including magic beans, fountain pennies, and harvesting the organs of local drifters.
“And if none of those work,” remarked one insider, “they can at least take comfort in knowing he died at the merciless hand of the free market, like a true American.”
