TORONTO – McDonald’s Canada announced today that it will begin serving all-day breakfast in order to stress-test the country’s socialized healthcare system.
The menu will feature a selection of McDonald’s signature breakfast items, including the McMuffin sandwiches, hash browns, hotcakes, and sausages, the health effects of which had previously been managed and minimized thanks to their limited availability window of 6:00am – 11:00am.
Now that Canadians will be able to eat these items throughout the day, however, policy makers are worried that the healthcare system, which already suffers from long wait-times and high costs, will not be able to withstand the added burden.
“The nation has avoided a healthcare crisis in large part because most Canadians were simply too lazy to get up early and buy a fast food breakfast. Now that you can roll out of bed at noon and still get 1000 calories worth of processed egg, bacon and english muffin for under 5 dollars, all bets are off,” said Dr. Amelia Chen, chief cardiologist at Mt. Sinai Hospital.
McDonald’s says the change will help Canada find the gaps in its healthcare system. “You can’t know where weaknesses lie until you face a catastrophe. We are that catastrophe,” explained company spokesperson Alan Montagne, as he stuffed a mcGriddle into his mouth at 4pm. “We’ve done so much to hurt the population. We just wanted to give a bit back.”
The fast food giant started serving all-day breakfast in its American restaurants in 2015. Many experts attribute the decreased efficiency and increased costs of the soon to be repealed Obamacare to the menu expansion.
Health Canada officials advised that they believe the system will be able to handle the strain of late night hash brown consumption, but did add “God help us if they ever bring back McDonald’s Pizza.”
