KINGSTON – A recently published multidisciplinary research study at Queen’s University has concluded that yes, you should totally be a DJ.
“We rated performance in a variety of categories, and results clearly showed that if you started spinning discs you’d be both rad and lit,” said sociologist Dr. Debra Upton, “in fact, once you’ve established yourself in the clubs and built up a following, the entire situation could easily be described as “🔥🔥🔥”.
Upton and co-authors Dr. Morgan Garcia and Dr. Tyler Cunningham caution that it isn’t likely to be a case of overnight success: “It may take as many as a few weeks to work your way up,” said Garcia, “First you have to buy some speakers and mix boards. This will be expensive at first, but our data shows you can host a kegger, charge an entrance fee, and then DJ for tips. The equipment will pay for itself and you can prove yourself to that guy in your class who has a friend who knows a good manager. After that, all of our simulations suggest that you’ll soon be making $60 000 a gig and your friend Jake’s hot sister will totally be into you”.
The study recommends that to work towards your dream, you should read the wikiHow page on DJing, work on your cool head-bob, and drop a ton of molly. After that you just have to find great Trance, Glitch and Dark Alternative tracks, or a decent Spotify playlist.
While the study confirms that 96% of college babes think you’re hecka chill enough to be a DJ, a conflicting study finds that 100% of parents think you should get a law degree.
