Can everyone please calm the fuck down? Tabarnak.
Look, just because I’m reaching out to Canada’s firearms manufacturers and gun owners to raise money for my leadership bid, doesn’t mean that I’m going to compromise the safety of 36 million other Canadians in the name of appeasing the gun lobby. Just like me waving this loaded gun around right now doesn’t mean I’m accidentally going to shoot someone.
I mean, sure, one slip of my finger could blow any one of your heads clean off. But does that mean it’s going to happen? Bien non! And I’ll tell you why: like any responsible gun enthusiast, I always keep the safety—
BLAM!
Whoops. Okay NOW the safety’s on. And speaking of safety, let me tell you how much safer I feel right now thanks to this lovely gift from my new friends at Smith & Wesson, who, like me, believe that the key to any thriving democracy is—
BLAM!
What the–? I thought for sure I’d—
BLAM!
Oh, okay. I see the problem now. That was the hammer. I swear to god it looks exactly like the safety. Oh well, pobody’s nerfect, right? My point is, Canada’s firearm manufacturers play a vital role in keeping this country safe for all of us. Me, you, and most importantly, our children—
BLAM!
Exactly. Children just like the one my bullet just grazed. Don’t worry, mon grand, it’s only a flesh wound! And the rest of you don’t worry, either. If elected, I’m not going to start shilling assault rifles. Those babies sell themsel—
BLAM!
Whoa boy. Is he…? He is? Fuck. I was never here, understand? I WAS NEVER HERE.
