TORONTO – After noticing a spike in attendance, local imam Karim Al-Tamimi believes that almost all of the people who regularly attend his masjid are agents of the Canadian Security Intelligence Service.
“There’s nothing in the Qu’ran about wearing a black suit and reflective sunglasses to worship,” Al-Tamimi said. “But I think the earpieces are against at least the spirit of the scripture.”
Although most of the recent converts declined to comment, some did tell members of the press that they had ‘just been getting really into Islam stuff lately.’
“Oh yeah, you know, stuff like eating food that is kind of spicy, but not that spicy, or getting strip-searched at the airport, I’m big into that right now,” said John Doe, new worshipper. “Not too big into the whole ‘The West’ thing though. Are you?”
Although Al-Tamimi is pleased that his new converts seem enthusiastic, he wishes they would stop trying to get him to set up a caliphate in Rosedale.
“It would also be great if they would stop raising their eyebrows at me and whispering ‘Allahu-Akbar’, as if it’s some kind of code,” Al-Tamimi said.
At press time, CSIS had raided the mosque, after receiving a tip that most of the members there were armed with what turned out to be government-issued handguns.
With files by Andrew Frost
