OTTAWA – Unpaid interns at the Ministry of Finance say they are “at their wits’ end” on how to kickstart Canada’s stagnant economy.
“We’ve tried everything,” said 26-year-old intern Derek McRimmon, who sources say makes a four hour round trip commute from his parents’ house every day. “Lower interest rates, higher interest rates, the same interest rates. Everything.”
Interns at the ministry say they have been turning in 60 hour weeks and sometimes working weekends trying to come up with solutions.
“We have to find a way to somehow increase the disposable income of a sizable portion of the Canadian population,” said intern Lisa Smith, who subsists off the free granola bars in the bowl on the front desk in the lobby. “But where does this money come from? Who could possibly afford to do something like this? It boggles the mind.”
Senior officials were certain they solved the problem by requiring major corporations to donate all revenue for three months in exchange for school credit, but were disappointed to find out this was illegal.
Smith says productivity numbers show there’s a lot of work being done, but people are somehow not getting money for it.
“It’s almost as if Canadian businesses and government departments were somehow violating employment standards on a massive scale,” she advised.
The interns say they have been informed that if they can solve Canada’s poor economic performance, at least some of them might be hired into paid positions at the ministry.
