GATINEAU, QC – In an attempt to further endear himself to the nation, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is waiting in a dark cave for a family he deems beautiful enough to deserve to take a photo with him.
“Not them. No uggos,” said Trudeau to himself as an ordinary family of five hiked by his dimly lit hiding space. “I am the Prince Charming of Canada. I will not be seen with a bunch of sixes.”
Reports say that Trudeau, who travelled from Ottawa to Gatineau Park specifically to appear in a candid photograph with a Canadian family, has been waiting in the cave for over 35 hours. Despite the length of his vigil, he has refused to eat or sleep, fearing that he may miss the right family if he does.
“They’ll love you, JT. You’ll make them love you,” said Trudeau, submerging himself in the chest-deep water of the grotto as yet another family approached. “Your body is hard. Your body is perfect.”
At press time, Trudeau was in critical condition after the pungent coconut oil on his body attracted several bears.
