WOODBRIDGE, ON – Highlighting humanity’s continued effect on the global environment, the World Institute for Bro Sciences has confirmed the long disputed theory that the world is, in fact, “pretty gay.”
The international granting body that oversees research and development of Bro related disciplines such as hair-gel, tanning and sick rims, released their report entitled Yo, The World’s Pretty Gay: Like Everywhere, Bro at a press conference outside their global headquarters, a one-family suburban residence.
“Yo, so much gay all over, guy,” said Dr. Adam Bucci, 22, adding that previous research into the topic has mainly focused on particular instances within the researcher’s immediate surroundings.
The landmark study used an algorithm that catalogued all the world’s gayest phenomena including Justin Bieber, feelings, math teachers, that sweater, and that gay guy’s gay dog right there, which were then compared against things that are definitely not gay, including the gym, UFC, being Greek, Italian, or Portuguese, and the amount of time the study’s authors spend with each other at the beach, to name a few.
The authors of the study concluded that, not only is the world pretty gay, but it’s becoming increasingly gayer year-after-year, threatening to turn everything in the world gay by 2099, except for them, because as the authors emphatically point out, “we ain’t gay, bro.”
“Like, you look around anywhere these days – doesn’t matter, bro – you can probably find some gay shit,” said Dr. Bucci over the loud thumping bass blaring from his highly customized Honda Civic idling in his parent’s driveway.
With this recent success, the World Institute for Bro Sciences is reportedly funding new areas of research, including a complete taxonomy of tribal tattoos, figuring out which is the best Family Guy joke, and new ways of “crushing it.”
At press time, the authors were frantically doing Jägerbombs after a moment of accidentally looking into each other’s eyes.
