LAS VEGAS – The NHL has announced their Las Vegas expansion for the 2017-2018 season will provide an opening act for famed ventriloquist Jeff Dunham.
“Yes, this team will be exclusively warming up crowds for America’s favourite naughty puppet master, but that doesn’t mean we won’t strive to achieve greatness,” said team owner Bill Foley. “Sidenote, do you think 20lbs of sequins will affect player mobility?”
Investors felt that an NHL team, which will be named the “Golden Knights” after “$2.50 Domestic Beers After Midnight” was rejected, would be just violent and angry enough to prepare Dunham fans for the comedy stylings of Achmed, The Dead Terrorist.
For just $23.50 fans will get a centre-ice seat, a beer, a hot dog, and a chance to have their photo taken with Jeff and Peanut.
“Of course, we’ll need to shorten the games to 15 minutes so they don’t step on the prop comic who middles,” explained Foley. “But who knows, if the players show some promise maybe we’ll let them headline Tuesdays.”
At press time, Foley had lost the NHL team to a pair of tens.
