TORONTO – The SPCA is joining forces with Uber this Friday, delivering carloads of adorable puppies to offices around the city to take a shit on your least favourite superior’s personal belongings.
“We like to think it’s just another way we’re disrupting the pre-internet economy,” explained Deb Galloway, a representative from Uber. “Before, if you hated your job and your life and you wanted to take a crap on your boss’ desk, you had to do it yourself. Now, just press a button on your phone, and voilà!”
Puppies can be booked for 15 minutes at a time, and a spokesperson from the SPCA insists that “they are ready to drop a load in your boss’s office when you need them. Plus, they’ll eat headphones, chew through golf trophies, rip up performance evaluations – whatever you need to ruin his day.”
Uber and the SPCA have had considerable success with the program in other cities. “The dogs are cute,” read one online reviewer from Vancouver, “but what was really cute was seeing my director’s face as a Labrador puppy took an enormous crap on some hideous art project his daughter made. Fuck you, Les. Fuck you forever.”
