LAS VEGAS – Las Vegas now knows the T-Mobile Arena will be the next derelict building after NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman announced the city will be getting an expansion hockey team for the 2017 hockey season.
“I look forward to at least two years of exciting money from Vegas before the franchise is moved somewhere else,” said Bettman. “We have already demonstrated success in encouraging cities to construct unoccupied buildings in Hartford, Atlanta and soon Carolina. I’m happy to see more competition in this market.”
Bettman noted that as long as the expansion fee of $500 million is paid and the team’s city is not located in Canada, any community can construct a 20,000 seat sporting facility that will shutter its doors within a decade.
“The NHL is a great business for taking money off of people’s hands,” touted a confident Bettman. “I am confident that placing a hockey team in a city that has little or no interest in that sport will be a boon for hipsters wearing defunct sport teams merchandise in the years to come.”
The team, yet to be named, will play out of the newly constructed $375 million money hole that will soon be void of any economic life within the next five years.
“We’ll have to come up with a catchy [team] name so it might be used again once the franchise relocates to Cincinnati, Oakland, or Kansas,” said team owner Mike Daley.
“I was thinking of the Nevada Nomads or the Las Vegas Vagrants.”
