TORONTO – Citing the amount of gingham that he is wearing and amount of gingham that those around him are wearing, local man Marc Fresno has determined that he should have worn more gingham to this brunch.
“Oh man, I really goofed here,” said Fresno, in his solid-colour shirt and shorts. “I definitely could, and should, have worn more gingham.”
It was only two minutes into his brunch at local restaurant Horn of Plenty that Fresno noticed his friends, the patrons at the tables around them, and the restaurant staff were all wearing considerably more gingham than him.
“Don’t worry, you can wear gingham next time,” said friend Richard Conway, confidently sipping on a mimosa while dressed in a crisp green microgingham that says, this man is successful, this man is alive.
Other diners have begun to take notice of Fresno’s complete lack of gingham, and many are starting to whisper about whether all is well with him.
“There’s nothing wrong with me,” said Fresno to himself, barely having touched his eggs blackstone. “Damnit Marc, you could have at least worn spring plaid.”
Onlookers report Fresno has been filling in only every other square of his waffles with syrup, but has failed to realize that waffles are not gingham, and that only gingham is gingham.
“If Marc didn’t want to come for brunch he could have just said so,” said acquaintance Jenny Miller, whose blue gingham shorts surely represent her fierce independence and fashion forwardness. “I don’t know why he’s trying to spoil a perfectly good meal for us.”
Fresno has now left the restaurant, after his attempts to hide behind a tablecloth, also gingham, only further accentuated how the warm embrace of gingham was missing from his life.
Since leaving Brunch, Fresno has purchased a gingham shirt, not realizing that hot weather and bold stripes will be here by next week.
