VANCOUVER – In a dramatic announcement, the Conservative Party of Canada announced it no longer opposes marriage between two chaps or a couple of dowagers.
“I suppose the jig is up and it is high time we Tories accepted this skullduggery once and for all,” said party delegate Lord Winthrop James of Heathstone. “If my cousin Bartholomew and his travel companion want to throw another one of their costume parties and call it a wedding, who are we to stand in their way?”
“Frankly I think we need to focus on more important things, like keeping out those potato eating Irish,” he added before asking his manservant Simpson to hail a pedicab.
The Conservative announcement only goes so far however, as the party has not elected to support gay marriage, a move insiders say would have put the party ideology dangerously close to the 20th century.
Some supporters of the amendment, like MP Michelle Rempel, say they hope the move will attract more LGBTQ individuals to join the party.
“From now on, all manner of Sodomites, Gomorrans, Uranians, and Sapphics will be welcome into the Conservative party.”
The gay marriage provision was one of the few successful changes to the party platform. Other proposals to recognize the independence of South Africa and repeal the Chinese head tax were overwhelmingly defeated.
