TORONTO – Partway through another day of grueling debate, the Canada Reads panelists are still deciding which of the three remaining authors will be sacrificed today to guarantee another year of improved literacy rates.
“Minister Without Portfolio and Bone and Bread were both magnificent works, and even though they didn’t win, we really encourage everyone to read them both,” said Canada Reads host Gill Deacon, resting her hands on the severed heads of authors Michael Winter and Saleema Nawaz. “But now it’s time to see whose turn it is to make the ultimate sacrifice.”
Of the three remaining authors: Lawrence Hill, Tracey Lindberg, and Anita Rau Badami, only one will join the likes of Kim Thuy, Joseph Boyden, and Terry Fallis as victors, while the others will have their swiftly cooling blood sprinkled on the nation’s books as an offering for the blessings of cruel Athena.
“After I won for The Book of Negroes, I didn’t think that the priesthood would force me to compete again,” said Lawrence Hill, looking up from his table at the pendulum blade swooshing through the air above him. “But hey, I guess it’s all in the name of literacy.”
At press time, Tracey Lindberg had triumphed in the official Canada Reads “Booklovers Labyrinth” after narrowly avoiding being disemboweled by The Manticore (by Robertson Davies).
