TORONTO — Former CBC personality Jian Ghomeshi expressed his appreciation for the police and prosecution, thanking them for all their hard work in ensuring his acquittal on charges of sexual assault and overcoming resistance.
“I can’t speak highly enough of how thorough the Crown and police were when inadequately preparing their witnesses,” said a tearful Ghomeshi at the steps of a Toronto courthouse.
“Without their tireless and careless efforts I wouldn’t be the free man standing before you today. I look forward to years of being protected from public scrutiny by my next employer, as well.’
The former host of CBC’s ‘Q’ went on to explain that the prosecution was doing so well, he didn’t even need to testify and give a 20 minute monologue about what rhymes with “victim blaming”.
But Ghomeshi admits it couldn’t have been possible without the police’s failure to scrutinize statements or dig for any further evidence, such as emails, romantic photos, florist receipts, or magazine subscriptions to ‘Choking Quarterly’.
Ghomeshi also singled out Justice William Horkins for praise. “His decision, which somehow made a straight-faced argument that women are believed too much in cases of assault, really went a long way to distracting from the dozens of women I have hit”.
“I was amazed by how easy it was to introduce last-minute, scandalizing photos of the witnesses,” recalled Ghomeshi. “It really went a long way to painting a clear image of the situation: one of lust and sexual kink, obviously.”
Ghomeshi closed his remarks stating ”again, I wish to thank the Crown and Police for bringing these women to justice for their heinous accusations. Their hard work will ensure that, in the future, women in Canada with similar accusations will be entirely too fearful to come forward.”
