COLUMBIA, S.C. – Following a fourth place finish in the South Carolina primary, Jeb Bush has ended his run for the Republican nomination citing his desire to put in some quality time with his newly purchased monogrammed gun.
Putting on a brave face during his concession speech Jeb reassured supporters that he had in fact purchased the gun for himself and not as a way to burnish his pro-gun credentials.
“This wasn’t about politics. I had my eye on this particular gun for a long time. I had just been too busy to buy it and tweet out a photo until just before the primary in this gun loving State.”
When asked to elaborate on whether he felt a photo of a gun best represented America, Bush explained that he captioned the photo “America” because that is what he named his gun. “It’s just a name I liked, no big deal,” he added.
Campaign manager Danny Diaz lauded Jeb’s commitment to his newly purchased weapon. “A lot of people questioned the sincerity of the purchase. Those people must be feeling pretty stupid now that he’s decided to leave the race and dedicate himself full-time to the responsible use and upkeep of his gun.”
Political analysts are suggesting this may be Bush’s smartest move yet. Blogger Simon Newman wrote, “The best thing Jeb can do is go spend time with his gun and become an outsider. The American people are not interested in someone with experience. He needs to come back less experienced.”
Meanwhile at the Bush family ranch, mother Barbara was very proud Jeb had bought a gun and could finally be a cowboy like his older brother George.
