NIAGARA FALLS — For several years, visitors of Clifton Hill have been long delighted by wax figurines of famous celebrities who will never step foot on, or be near approximation to, Niagara Falls, Ontario.
While life-like in appearance, tourists should not confuse these lipid doppelgangers for their human counterparts who wouldn’t be caught dead in such a gaudy, overpriced version of Reno, Nevada.
The museum features such mega stars as Johnny Depp, Katy Perry and Arnold Schwarzenegger; the very same people who would never pay for $15 parking that isn’t even close to the Falls.
“I really enjoyed the looking at Harry Potter,” said Allen Standson of Miami who was on his first trip to Canada. “It was like he was here in the room with us getting swindled for overpriced food.”
Tourists also marvelled at the wax version of Robert Goulet, a man who was presently rolling his grave knowing what a complete abomination Clifton Hill had become including a gigantic ferris wheel and an “internationally famous” magician who is only known in Niagara Falls.
“I love Canada!” added Standson while holding a stuffed animal dressed as a Mountie made entirely in Malaysia. “I never thought I would say this, but Canadians have done this expensive, gimmicky tourist crap better than Americans!”
Despite its inexplicable popularity for tourists who want to see tasteless American culture in Canada, the wax museum is not the largest employer in the city. According to sources in the Niagara Falls Board of Commerce, over half of the residents work for a haunted house.
