FAIRFAX, VA – The NRA released a statement earlier today advising that all gun owners purchase an additional gun to be used in self-defense against the other guns they own.
“Statistic after statistic shows that guns in the home lead to higher chances of murder, suicide, and unintentional self-injury,” said NRA head Wayne LaPierre. “By properly arming ourselves we can stop these guns from harming us and our families.”
While critics are up in arms, NRA members have pointed out that the 2nd amendment gives US citizens the right to bear arms to protect themselves against arms already being beared by those same citizens.
“The time has come to take this matter seriously,” said LaPierre. “Many Americans are left totally unarmed against the firearms in their own homes. This is very dangerous because, as we all know, the home is where most gun owners are shot.”
LaPierre says that gun owners need to learn how to defend themselves and their families from the various handguns and rifles found in the average American home. At all times, each person should have a rifle strapped to their back to ward off other household weapons and a smaller, concealed handgun just in case the rifle also becomes aggressive.
“For years we’ve been saying ‘guns don’t kill people, people kill people’ but that’s just not true,” said LaPierre. “Guns do kill people. Now go buy a second gun, because it’s time to return the favour.”
The NRA was quick to point out that not all guns are necessarily dangerous and that most injuries and deaths are caused by unstable weapons acting alone.
“A lot of guns are safe, but every so often there will be one that lets you shoot yourself or a loved one,” said Ramses O’Brien, a gun seller. “That’s why I tell all my customers to buy a bigger, more powerful gun to defend themselves.”
At press time, the NRA has donated $10 million to the families of guns who have been shot.
