OTTAWA — The organization responsible for Canada’s Public Service has announced that it will no longer require new civil servants to be initiated through humiliating forms of abuse and harassment during employee orientation.
The secretive Society of Public Servants explained that it will stop forcing recruits from performing such degrading acts as running the ‘Accountability Gauntlet’, climbing to the top of the greased Peace Tower, and forming human pyramids based on their department’s hierarchy flowcharts.
The longstanding tradition first started in 1867 when the first Clerk of the Privy Council, William Henry Lee, was required to take a shot of whiskey with each MP and cross Parliament’s lawn with his trousers down while dodging tackles from Sir John A. Macdonald.
Some were disappointed to hear the rite of passage into Canada’s largest employer will no longer be obligatory for all casual, term, and indefinite members.
“I had to play Seven Minutes in Heaven with the Deputy Minister,” explained Alex Chung, a program officer with Human Resources and Skills Development Canada. “Then I had to recite all of the Departments and Agencies within the Core Administration while someone sprayed me with cold water. It wasn’t fun, but I feel really proud about how I came through it stronger.”
“Public Service Oh Six, Baby!” Chung chanted while forming a secret hand gesture.
According to sources, the hazing had not been stopped after new employees were subjected to a really boring video on how Parliament work.
