OTTAWA — In a tradition that is as old as Ottawa, 338 excited MPs lined up at the Supreme Court to ask the justices what laws they want struck down or amended for Christmas.
Dressed in their festive red-and-white robes, nine jolly and tactful adjudicators of the Canadian justice system were taking a variety of wish lists from the country’s federal legislators.
Chief Justice Beverley McLachlin and her Court greeted excited parliamentarians who immediately jumped up onto their laps.
“I want to end C-51, and C-24, and C-23, and C-38…” said NDP MP Niki Ashton who was rattling off a long list of requests. “Oh, and I also want to legalize prostitution. Can you do all of that?”
“Boy, that’s a really big list!” an enthusiastic Justice Clément Gascon remarked, handing a bright red candy cane to the delighted MP. “Now, you know Niki, it may take years to undo all these bills, don’t you?”
Some MPs were so shy and dumbstruck that they were seeing a Supreme Court Justice in real life, they forgot to ask for what they really wanted.
“Why did I ask [Justice Rosalie Abella] for a Playstation 4?” a visibly upset Michael Chong shouted while holding his complimentary candy cane and a copy of Constitutional Law of Canada. “I wanted parliamentary reform! Now I’ll never get to strip a party leader of their powers to determine who can be expelled from caucus!”
The Justices’ eager young clerks stood by fervently scribbling down each request, and double checking the naughty and nice list. However, some legal requests were just too big to fit into jurisprudence.
“I want to end abortion!” demanded Saskatoon-University MP Brad Trost while sitting on Chief Justice Beverley McLachlin. “My stupid Party says I can’t get that for Christmas, but I want it!”
“Now, Brad, you’ve been asking for that for years,” explained McLachlin in a soothing, yet assertive voice. “But striking down access to abortion would violate the precedent of R. v Morgentaler. Why don’t you just ask to be moved to PEI. You can’t get an abortion there. Would that be nice?”
Despite the assurance from McLachlin, Trost started to sob uncontrollably and ruined the portrait with a Supreme Court Justice for his parents.
According to sources, former Prime Minister Stephen Harper was not present as he does not believe in the Supreme Court.
With files from Alex Huntley and Amy Kishek
