After years as a home of critically-acclaimed television, HBO has begun to air a brass-instrument-themed spinoff of Band of Brothers: a show that critics are calling not only one of HBO’s, but one of television’s worst ever series.
“I became involved with this project to honour that great generation of citizen-soldiers, as well as that mighty instrument of democracy: the french horn,” said Michael Fassbender, who portrays first chair technical sergeant Burton Christenson. “I now realize that this was a terrible, terrible mistake.”
The series dramatises the history of ‘Easy Company’, part of the 506th Parachute Infantry Regiment, from its parachute training in the U.S. through its participation in major actions in Europe, and up until the capitulation of Japan, but with a lot of tuba stuff going on all the time as well.
“Oh boy, did we ever make a mistake greenlighting this one,” said HBO exec Marla Hendrijks. “Shit man, I am for sure going to lose my job.”
Sources inside HBO say, in retrospect, that putting David Schwimmer in a fat suit and making him play the sousaphone may have taken some of the poignancy out of the D-day episode.
“My talents as an actor were wasted on set,” said Tom Hardy, who plays Private John Janovec. “They had me playing a Euphonium. Me, Tom Hardy, who trained for years as a scholar of the Flugelhorn. What a disgrace.”
Hardy went on to say the show would have made more sense if it had at least been about an army band, instead of people who were trying to fight Nazis with the instruments.
“Frankly, there’s a lot that’s fundamentally wrongheaded about this whole premise,” said Hardy.
At press time, Brass Band of Brothers’ reputation had been salvaged, after HBO made an even worse series: the bakery-themed western Breadwood.
