CALGARY – Critics of Marie Montgomery’s latest erotic novel, Angela’s Awakening, have unanimously agreed that the book suffers from an overuse of the verb “porking” to describe the act of making love.
The author’s eagerly anticipated sophomore novel uses the word in almost every sexual sequence in its pages, in many instances four or five times in rapid succession. Examples of the problematic writing includes passages such as this: “… Angela and Charles porked for the first time that night. Their bodies intertwined in a double helix of non-stop porking that she never could have imagined possible. As their porking reached a crescendo, Angela screamed in pleasure. She waited for the quivers to stop and whispered gently, “Charles…. pork me again.”
“I really think she overestimated how audiences would receive this,” said Nancy Douglas, Assistant Editor of the Albertan Review of Literature. “While it’s sometimes difficult in this genre to continuously use different words to describe the sex which is central to the plot, she really picked the worst possible word and then doubled down on it again and again.”
Audiences seem to agree, with sales dropping off substantially as compared to Montgomery’s first novel. “I read these books to add some spice to my life and slip into a fantasy,” confessed Laurie Bretta, a local fan, “but when I get to passages like ‘Angela and the stadium janitor porked for hours in the shed behind the baseball diamond. Although Wallace had porked many women in his life, Angela was the best porkage he’d had yet,’ I just….. I just feel gross.”
The criticisms aren’t just limited to Montgomery’s word choice regarding sex but extend to the rest of her vocabulary. Passages which have been singled out in particular include :
– “Franklin brought his hand to his zipper and slowly lowered it to reveal what had been on her mind all night. His ding-dong was enormous. As Franklin brought his ding-dong closer, Angela realized that they were about to pork.”
– “Angela was alone with Michael as she stripped off the last layer of her clothes. Instantly, Michael’s eyes jumped to her jugs and then to her newly revealed nasty cave. “I can’t decide whether I like your jugs or your nasty cave better, so I’m gonna pork you while I think about it.”
Montgomery doesn’t appear to understand the controversy. “The word “porking” evokes a visceral, primal action in which two oppositely charged characters finally meet in a union of souls,” Montgomery said defiantly, “you can find its roots in the works of Dumas, Melville, even Shakespeare.” Most critics agree that such a statement is verifiably incorrect.
However Montgomery remained undeterred. Her next novel, “A Quick Boink by the Riverside”, is already heading to publishers.
