CANADA – A recent series of polls from Nanos and Ipsos-Reid show that a profound, crushing tiredness is still the federal election frontrunner.
“While other parties have had their peaks and valleys in this election cycle, voters’ desire to rub their eyes with the heels of their hands and then sleep until the whole thing is over has only continued to go up,” said dishevelled pollster Doris Kwan, slumping against the arm of a grey sofa. “When will it end?”
While scandal after scandal has broken over the ruling Conservative party, the refusal of their polling numbers to dip has voters looking to utter hopelessness as their only hope for the future.
“At first, I was excited for this election- it seemed like our chance to rescue Canada,” said voter Maria Santiago. “But after this whole Niqab thing, and the barbaric practices hotline, I don’t even know if I like this country enough to rescue it.”
Pollsters point to the televised debates as the start of the ‘Grey Wave.’
“All three major candidates made a very compelling case for enervation,” said analyst Allen Fonseco, after the Globe and Mail debate on the economy. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go drink some tap water and stare at a ceiling fan until sleep lifts the burden of consciousness from my aching shoulders.”
At press time, the nation was still planning to vote, because Jesus Christ, what else is there to do?
