TORONTO — Last night on a special Canadian political episode of the Maury Povich Show, three men all claimed that they love Canada and know what’s best for it, but only one can win its heart.
The first appearance was made by Tom, a man who claims Canada’s current lover, Steve, gets in too many fights with other leaders and embarrasses Canada quite frequently.
“He gets into battles he can’t win and it’s always ends with complications,” explained Tom about Steve’s habit of trying to be macho and flexing his military muscles. “I’ll be the man that’s better for Canada and treat it right.”
But Steve had a different story. He says that Tom isn’t man enough to handle Canada and would not be willing to stand up for it during a time of need.
“Look, Tom is just chasing rumours,” Steve retorted. “There’s a lot of dangerous people out there who need to be bombed.”
In a twist, a third man, Justin, believes Tom and Steve don’t actually love Canada and that he wants a long-term relationship and is willing to dish out the cash to make that happen. He immediately went after his competitors with stinging accusations.
“Tom once tried to export precious natural resources from his previous partner, Quebec, just before they broke up,” Justin told the audience and millions of Maury viewers.
“You’re a liar, you lying liar!” retorted Tom in anger.
Audience members also participated with laughter, booing and timely ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’ with every sassy and snappy one-liner.
But the most heated exchange came when Tom attacked Justin’s father, Pierre, for cheating on Canada’s individual rights.
“You don’t talk about my daddy like that!” Justin shouted while nearly throwing the podium and running back stage with cameras in pursuit.
“My father was a saint and I am very proud of what he did,” said a teary-eyed Justin.
Stay tuned for another episode on October 19th to see if Justin really is the son of Pierre.
