Can the Liberal Party under Justin Trudeau return to power? Here’s how they intend on pulling it off:
Key Beliefs
What do you guys believe in again? Oh cool, us too! Yup, we’ve been fighting for that for decades.
Policy Priorities
Undo enough of the Harper government’s policies to delude Canadians that change is actually possible
Find all the drugs they hid in cabinet chambers when they were last in power
How they intend to win
Walk up to the Canadian electorate and say “it’s not your fault” over and over again until they break down crying
Specific Plans
Criminal Justice: Amend the Criminal Code to make whatever amount of marijuana Justin Trudeau has on him at the moment legal
Foreign Policy: Return to Canada’s traditional UN role of witnessing mass atrocities
Budget: Chrystia Freeland will personally collect taxes on richest one percent by confronting nation’s bathrobe-wearing billionaires in their men-only private clubs
Healthcare: Make freely available to all Canadians the magical elixir that is keeping Jean Chretien alive
Economy: Raise GST back to 7%, but call it ‘retro-taxes’ so the younger crowd gets it
Deficits: Bad, no wait, good.
Environment: Invest in alternative energy solutions that harvests the full potential of political rhetoric
Plans for the Future
Hoping the next generation of Canadians will be wealthy and smart enough to pay for the promises being made
