WASHINGTON – Currently polling at 2nd place in the Republican Primary race, Carly Fiorina vowed that if elected, she would personally end funding for Planned Parenthood’s “widely-known practice of aborting, barbecuing, and eating live fetuses.”
During a recent Republican Primary debate Fiorina asserted that she had personally watched an undercover video depicting Planned Parenthood staffers brushing the recently aborted fetuses with bbq sauce and slow cooking them at 200 degrees Fahrenheit in a specially made slow cooker.
The candidate elaborated, “Everyone knows that Planned Parenthood uses 100% of their federal funding to perform abortions, and then to cook and eat the still-living babies,” a statement that at no point was challenged or corrected through the remainder of the evening.
Fiorina’s claims were met with resounding agreement from her Republican opponents. “Both Hillary Clinton and President Obama not only endorse these Baby BBQs, but they attend regularly and bring potato salad ,” added Ben Carson, a candidate who is an actual medical professional.
Not to be outdone, former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee insisted that he had personally viewed “a video of Planned Parenthood workers making a coat out of 101 aborted fetuses,”.
Asked later whether she could reproduce the video clip she had watched for members of the media, Fiorina responded. “I find it amazing, actually, that all these supposed fact-checkers in the mainstream media claim this baby bbq tape doesn’t exist.” When it was pointed out to Fiorina that this did not constitute an answer to the question, she asserted, “It looked like a hickory bbq sauce!”
At press time, Donald Trump has announced that, when elected president, he will build walls around every one of the 820 Planned Parenthood locations.
