LOS ANGELES – Shortly after announcing a schedule of their upcoming films until 2019, Marvel Studios has released a new schedule, this one with every film planned for the next 41 centuries.
“Captain America fans might be worried about the gap between 2061’s Captain America: Doom Filtration and 2705’s Captain America: Winter Soldier: Book of Secrets,” said Marvel executive Marty Shaefer. “Don’t worry, we haven’t abandoned the Star Spangled Avenger, it’s just that we’re not sure how relevant he’ll be after the States get conquered by China, but before 2merica rises from the ashes of the NewSSR.”
Given the long timeframe, Marvel futurologists have also predicted the comics behemoth will have bought out the rights to several other franchises, leading to such crossovers and spin-offs as 2050’s Citizen Kane: Perpetual Gun-Man, 3204’s gritty reboot of the gritty reboot of Shrek 2, and 4106’s About Schmidt: Sophie’s Choice.
“We’re also excited to introduce future geekophiles to a whole new bunch of super superheroes,” said Shaefer. “Just wait until you meet Starhorse, Bushwhacker, Strong William, Mighty Fine, Hopscotch, Tandem Monster, O’Malley, Rictulon, Bartholomew Rascal, Touchstutch, Hooper Skymail, Volcano Tate, Dungeon Manster, Critical Dale, Pouwth, Gun Prostitute, The Unbelievable Bastard, Nitelight, Fight Taster, Scrog “Funderlash” Testes, Milkbone, $$$$$$$$$, Recycling, Doctor Lineaments, Squeaze Pleese, Female Woman, Maltball, Total Clench, Professor Unpleasantness, Chocolate Docta, Honest Abe Carnage, Skinkwoman, Dust-Thou-Art, Unga-Bunga, Silvio Berlusconi, Shipstreak, Gretch, Filbert Time, Lord Saucy, Hookfoot, Lieutenant Threat, Suck’n’fuck, The Groblins, RabbleRowzer, Hard Dan Presto, and Buckingham Dallas. You’re gonna love those guys.”
Marvel fans have rejoiced at the announcement, praising the new schedule with phrases like ‘a fanboy’s dream’, and ‘strangely fatiguing’.
“Of course we’ll have to change the Iron Man franchise during those periodic episodes where the earth will be ruled by Iron Men,” said Robert Downey, Jr. “Maybe I’ll play a guy called ‘Meat Man’, assuming my contract doesn’t let me die by then.”
This is not the first time a film studio has released such an enormous release schedule. In early 2015, 20th Century Fox announced they were entering ‘Phase 8’ of their From Justin to Kelly expanded universe.
At press time, a number of time travelling mutants from the future had failed to destroy Marvel Studios, and Marvel Studios had announced plans to develop a film franchise around the attempt.
