CLEVELAND, OH – Metalhead James Forrest, tired after a long and stressful day, said he just wants to come home and listen to songs like Junkie Cunt in order to relax, but is having difficulty finding the time and space to do so.
“I usually make dinner for my family right after work, so all I want to do is crank up a song like ‘Wormskull’ while I’m cooking some spaghetti, but it’s a little hard to do that when you also have to help your daughter on her report about butterflies.”
At Forrest’s job, he’s able to listen to music at his desk, but because of his companies policy on not playing music with “explicit” lyrical content, he’s limited to classic rock radio.
“Let me read you some lyrics from their song ‘Deep Inside Disease’: It hurts my dick to fuck you, but isn’t it so worth it? Get ready for my squeeze, deep inside disease.’ Yeah, that ain’t happening. Plus, my co-workers already think I’m weird cuz I drink decaf.”
On weekends Forrest is usually with his family, so having some time to himself is a rare occasion. But even when he does get some time he isn’t able to properly listen to his music.
“One Sunday I had the whole apartment to myself. So I had this plan to just draw a bath and relax to this playlist I made of songs by Nekrofilth, Coffinworm, Napalm Death, Cannibal Corpse, Pig Destroyer, Anal Cunt, Eyehategod, Hellacaust, Cryptopsy, and Fistfuck. You know, the classics. But as soon as I got in a neighbour started banging on my door, talking about how his elderly mother is literally screaming in terror. So there that dream went.”
Forrest is optimistic that people will come around and stop judging him and others like him.
“Even though my wife doesn’t get it, she see’s that it makes me happy. I’m hoping the rest of the world can do the same, so I don’t have to the feel the judging eyes of those who think I’m weird. “
At press time Forrest’s family, friends, and co-workers still think he’s weird.
