SAINT JOHN – Canadians from all corners of the country are expressing relief and pride that the American discount retailer Target is closing all stores in Canada leaving 21,000 other Canadians unemployed.
“Good riddance!” boasted patriot Chris Jamison about many of his fellow citizens losing their only source of income and benefits in the next 2-16 weeks. “Target should have never moved into Canada anyway. I knew it was a bad move. These American executives have no idea what Canada is all about.”
Many other proud Canucks were happy to see their communities would no longer be under the influence of a US corporate giant and instead under the influence of employment insurance and derelict buildings.
“This is great for some awesome deals!” exclaimed Larry Rovinski, a hockey-obsessed truck driver who would soon be laid off due to the drop in retail deliveries directly related to the store closures. “There will be a clearance sale and I can get a really cheap big screen TV to watch the Leaf games. I couldn’t be happier!”
According to sources, many of these loyal Canadians would be purchasing their new Canadian flags from Wal-Mart this year.
