TORONTO – After raising a record $6,107,538.60 for mental health initiatives on Wednesday, Bell executives announced all of the money would go to counselling centres for survivor’s of the company’s customer service hotline.
“#BellLetsTalk day was always about attaching our brand name to serious issues involving mental health,” said Bell Canada CEO George A. Cope, “And there’s no denying that we’ve done a great job of that.”
“We’ve come to realize that the Bell name has always been associated with severe mental and emotional anguish,” Cope continued.
As such, Bell will be using all the money from #BellLetsTalk to fund hotlines for those suffering from a case of the company’s customer service.
“Nobody knows about the endless waiting, the fear of being driven to ruin by draconian billing policies, the fear that you will be cut off from the world, and wondering if anyone out there will ever hear you more than we do,” Cope admitted, “Which is why Bell is uniquely positioned to offer counselling service to those suffering with a case of the Canadian telecom oligopoly.”
“After all, we already have the hotlines manned by super-attentive staff.”
At press time, there was still no chance in hell of Bell removing its branding from mental health awareness or your suffering.
