NEW YORK – The NFL has declared themselves victorious in this month’s Pink Ribbon campaign to raise awareness about breast cancer, a disease that poses the biggest threat to women’s health, aside from their players.
“The likelihood of a woman getting breast cancer is almost as high as the likelihood of one of our players abusing his wife or girlfriend — so very, very high,” said NFL commissioner Roger Goodell wearing a pink tie, pink pinstripe suit with a pink handkerchief. “And since this is also Domestic Violence Awareness Month, we really wanted to bring the focus back to breast cancer. We needed to crush our competition.”
Goodell was proud to state that the funds raised for the pink ribbon campaign so far had well surpassed funds raised for the competing purple ribbon campaign, which raises awareness for domestic violence.
“We really just kicked the shit out of the Domestic Violence Awareness campaign,” boasted Goodell. “The purple ribbon team didn’t even show up to play.”
