Surrey, B.C. – Claiming he was “wearing a gay shirt,” local bully Chad “Two Hits” Richler had resolved to give fellow grade 5 student Jimmy Hill the kind of beating that will one day serve as the moving and thought-provoking act one climax to his one man show about childhood adversity.
“Look at that doofus with his pink shirt and stupid short pants,” said Richler. “I think its about high time I went over there and gave him a real profound experience that critics will later call ‘searing in its portrayal of bullying’ and ‘a wake up call to anyone who still doesn’t take kids’ problems seriously.’”
“If he really pisses me off, maybe I’ll give him a tale with enough gravitas to adapt into a feature film,” he added.
Richler was confident that his mannerisms and style of speech would be unique enough to allow an adult Hill to impersonate him accurately, thus avoiding what he called “one of the common pitfalls of modern day solo theatre.”
Hill’s buddy, Ricky “Razor” Reynoldson, was also supportive of the plan. “One day, we’ll be working in a non descript factory of some kind, and we’ll look at the fuzzy TV mounted in the corner, and see Jimmy being interviewed about his Tony award, and we’ll know that we made a difference in the world.”
Hill had no comment on the impending events, as he was too busy internalizing everything.
