ZURICH – Despite being capitals of grievous sin destroyed in an act of divine retribution, the Biblical cities of Sodom and Gomorrah have been named by the FIFA Executive Committee as hosts of the 2026 World Cup.
“We are proud to continue our unblemished history of selecting vibrant, reliable and exemplary hosts,” said Sepp Blatter, president of the International Federation of Association Football. “Holding the World Cup in Sodom and Gomorrah will bring prosperity and happiness to the people of pre-Christian Canaan.”
“And not only them,” added Blatter before winking, stroking his cat and boarding a customized Boeing Dreamliner he had just purchased.
FIFA’s decision was met with controversy after the release of a technical report on Sodom and Gomorrah that warned of “temperatures reaching 445 degrees Celsius” in the cities of the plain, owing to the “fire and brimstone” currently consuming them. The report also estimated that 4,000 workers will “almost certainly” be turned to pillars of salt by the time all the venues in cities are built.
Officials responded to the criticisms by pointing randomly, yelling “Look – goal line technology!” and sprinting off into the distance.
At press time, fans were outraged at FIFA’s persistent disregard for instant replay.
