HALTON – A group of misinformed high school students are commemorating the contributions Canadian soldiers they didn’t actually make on the shores of a beach in Vietnam some seventy years ago today.
The high school students reflected on a piece of Canadian non-history by explaining how brave Canadian soldiers participated in the liberation of Vietnam.
“I’m very proud to know that Canada participated in such a struggle against the Vietnamese Kaiser,” explained Hal Kayden, a grade 10 student at Halton Regional Public School. “General Louis Riel led the Canadians, storming Wasaga Beach to defeat Sam Hughes on the Plains of Abraham and that’s why Prime Minister Billy Bishop gave him the Medal of Honour.”
Other students beamed with pride when they recalled completely random names and dates, which somehow linked back to D-Day.
“I admire that chocolatier Laura Secord” said Larissa Zhi, another thoroughly ill-advised student in Mrs. Fyfe’s class. “She managed to save Halifax from an explosion by teaching the them how to read and then freed the slaves, which was what this war was all about. Oh, and the Boers are somewhere in there too.”
The teacher of the Canadian history class praised her pupils for mentioning a name from Canadian history that wasn’t Justin Bieber or Rob Ford.
“Yeah, the kids did great” said Canadian history and gym teacher Laurie Fyfe as he turned the page of a Mad Magazine and inserted another tape cassette of Heritage Minutes for his class to watch.
According to sources, all of the students passed their history exam according to the “close enough” history curriculum guideline of Ontario.
