CANADA – Canadians outside of Quebec carefully hid their excitement today following yesterday’s elimination of the Montreal Canadiens from the NHL playoffs.
“Of course it’s very unfortunate that a Canadian team won’t be advancing to the finals,” said Alberta resident Don Maverly. “But… well… doesn’t the sun seem just a little brighter? Doesn’t the air smell just a bit fresher? Isn’t the grass… less Habs-y?”
Despite the deep-seated hatred between Habs fans and the rest of the nation, some Canadians were able to tamp down their glee for long enough to offer some consolation.
“You know, you guys had a great run that no one saw coming, and you should be really proud,” said Ontario man, Dan Hershfield, to his Montreal cousin over the phone as he tried not to laugh with joy
As their series against Boston stretched to six games, many Canadian hockey fans were terrified that this could be the year that the Habs returned to the Stanley Cup Final, becoming even more insufferable in the process.
“Hopefully we won’t disappoint our fans next year,” said Canadiens forward PK Subban. “But until then, lets just be happy we don’t have to hear another goddamn word from those smug Quebec bastards.”
This is not the first time Canada has been forced to grit its teeth and root for a hated homegrown team: just last season, it briefly seemed as though the Stanley Cup final could be between the Chicago Blackhawks and the Ottawa Fuckfaces.
